Our wedding day, June 3, 2000
Our 10 year anniversary was on June 3. It has been great, good, bad and worse. We have been through some difficult times. We have had some wonderful times. I am two years older than Brandon, and felt that sometimes he may have married me because I "talked" him into it. I now know that it was God's plan. We dated for about a year and a half. I am a Christian and thought Brandon was at this time. He had always been in church and I had not. I thought I had asked him if he was saved. Maybe I just assumed he was since he had always gone to church.
After 9/11 my thoughts began to change about family. I had an urgency to start a family. I'm not really sure why. Like I said, I was a Christian, but not the Christian I should have been. I didn't read my Bible or pray like I should. I basically went to church. God had a plan. He allowed Brandon to walk into my life and allowed us to conceive a little boy only after trying for one month. God knew what he was doing. I thought I knew what we were suppose to do. As Connor reached one I noticed that Brandon and I seemed to be slipping farther away. He loves to hunt. That was his passion. He went EVERY weekend. I enjoyed hunting as well but once becoming a mother I didn't want to go anymore. I somehow thought that when he became a father he would want to spend his extra time with his family. We had reached a low. I knew divorce wasn't the answer but at the time it was MY answer. I couldn't take it any longer. I told him I didn't want to be married to him any longer. I didn't want to waste these years of my life on a man that could care less if I was at home doing everything in the world for him and his child. I went to a counselor by myself. He didn't want to go with me. It was a lady counselor. We talked and I told her what was going on. She suggested that maybe my husband was doing drugs!!! Say what??? No, I absolutely knew in my heart that he had not ever and was not currently using drugs. Let's just say I got out of there as fast as I could. I came home and told him what she had said and he told me no that he had never used drugs and had never drank, nor smoked his entire life. I knew that. Brandon is a good guy. He works and works hard. He doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, doesn't party, doesn't hang out with the guys. Anyway, that night, Brandon cried like I have never seen a man cry. I told him I couldn't do it anymore. He told me that if he couldn't have me in his life, he needed God. WHAT???? He needed God- he already had God in his life or so I thought. Brandon had never been saved. After hearing that I knew that was the reason for our fights and dying marriage. It didn't have God in it completely. That Sunday he went to the alter and asked God into his heart forever and was baptized the next Sunday. I have never been so proud in my life. We began to have the marriage we were suppose to have.
As time went on though, we began to grow apart again. He still hunted but didn't go on Sundays. He was in church with me on Sundays. Our marriage grew weaker and weaker by the day. By this time, we now have had Karlea. We have become members of a new church with wonderful, Godly people. I knew that he was saved now and had no biblical reason for divorce as neither of us had committed adultery. I hated being in the same room as him. I hated for him to touch me, to even look at me made me want to vomit. I didn't know why. He just irritated me. I now know it was the devil. I went to a lawyer to find out what I needed to do. This is what most people don't know. I have a friend that has been my friend for more than 16 years. He is male. Brandon knew of my friend but didn't know that we had kept in contact over the years. Nothing had ever been said about anything happening between us because I am married. But for some reason, this time was different. My friend told me that I needed to lose my husband and get on with my life. The devil was using my friend to put more doubt into my head. As I realized what was happening, so did Brandon. He confronted me about my friend. I was honest with him. I told him that we had talked to each other for 16 years and nothing had ever happened between us. I knew divorce wasn't the right thing to do but I didn't care. I didn't care if I disobeyed God. God had another plan. God put a wonderful pastor, pastor's wife and other wonderful friends in our paths just at the right time. Thankfully, our pastor talked with Brandon several times during this time and told him to be strong and not to leave. I'm so glad. One Saturday night, Brandon told me that he loved me and he would forgive me for talking with my friend about things that I should've been talking to him about. Brandon should've been my best friend. At the time, he wasn't. This guy was. I thought what I was doing was innocent enough and was ok. It was wrong. I no longer have contact with my friend. At that moment I realized that if Brandon loved me enough to forgive me then he truly loved me. I had let him down this time. I deeply hurt him. I just pray that if there's someone out there reading this that is going through something like this or whatever it may be, just put it in God's hands. He always takes care of his children if you just do what the Bible says. Plain and simple. I hope that if God isn't your main priority and your spouse second that you make a change. It's hard to do when you have children and live in the world we live in but it's the right way. I hope that everyone reading this will forgive me as well. Sometimes we go through things, first for God to get the glory and honor he deserves. Secondly to make us stronger in Him and in ourselves. Thirdly, to help others.
Malchi 2:16 "I hate divorce , says the Lord God of Israel". Pretty plain and simple.
After 9/11 my thoughts began to change about family. I had an urgency to start a family. I'm not really sure why. Like I said, I was a Christian, but not the Christian I should have been. I didn't read my Bible or pray like I should. I basically went to church. God had a plan. He allowed Brandon to walk into my life and allowed us to conceive a little boy only after trying for one month. God knew what he was doing. I thought I knew what we were suppose to do. As Connor reached one I noticed that Brandon and I seemed to be slipping farther away. He loves to hunt. That was his passion. He went EVERY weekend. I enjoyed hunting as well but once becoming a mother I didn't want to go anymore. I somehow thought that when he became a father he would want to spend his extra time with his family. We had reached a low. I knew divorce wasn't the answer but at the time it was MY answer. I couldn't take it any longer. I told him I didn't want to be married to him any longer. I didn't want to waste these years of my life on a man that could care less if I was at home doing everything in the world for him and his child. I went to a counselor by myself. He didn't want to go with me. It was a lady counselor. We talked and I told her what was going on. She suggested that maybe my husband was doing drugs!!! Say what??? No, I absolutely knew in my heart that he had not ever and was not currently using drugs. Let's just say I got out of there as fast as I could. I came home and told him what she had said and he told me no that he had never used drugs and had never drank, nor smoked his entire life. I knew that. Brandon is a good guy. He works and works hard. He doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, doesn't party, doesn't hang out with the guys. Anyway, that night, Brandon cried like I have never seen a man cry. I told him I couldn't do it anymore. He told me that if he couldn't have me in his life, he needed God. WHAT???? He needed God- he already had God in his life or so I thought. Brandon had never been saved. After hearing that I knew that was the reason for our fights and dying marriage. It didn't have God in it completely. That Sunday he went to the alter and asked God into his heart forever and was baptized the next Sunday. I have never been so proud in my life. We began to have the marriage we were suppose to have.
As time went on though, we began to grow apart again. He still hunted but didn't go on Sundays. He was in church with me on Sundays. Our marriage grew weaker and weaker by the day. By this time, we now have had Karlea. We have become members of a new church with wonderful, Godly people. I knew that he was saved now and had no biblical reason for divorce as neither of us had committed adultery. I hated being in the same room as him. I hated for him to touch me, to even look at me made me want to vomit. I didn't know why. He just irritated me. I now know it was the devil. I went to a lawyer to find out what I needed to do. This is what most people don't know. I have a friend that has been my friend for more than 16 years. He is male. Brandon knew of my friend but didn't know that we had kept in contact over the years. Nothing had ever been said about anything happening between us because I am married. But for some reason, this time was different. My friend told me that I needed to lose my husband and get on with my life. The devil was using my friend to put more doubt into my head. As I realized what was happening, so did Brandon. He confronted me about my friend. I was honest with him. I told him that we had talked to each other for 16 years and nothing had ever happened between us. I knew divorce wasn't the right thing to do but I didn't care. I didn't care if I disobeyed God. God had another plan. God put a wonderful pastor, pastor's wife and other wonderful friends in our paths just at the right time. Thankfully, our pastor talked with Brandon several times during this time and told him to be strong and not to leave. I'm so glad. One Saturday night, Brandon told me that he loved me and he would forgive me for talking with my friend about things that I should've been talking to him about. Brandon should've been my best friend. At the time, he wasn't. This guy was. I thought what I was doing was innocent enough and was ok. It was wrong. I no longer have contact with my friend. At that moment I realized that if Brandon loved me enough to forgive me then he truly loved me. I had let him down this time. I deeply hurt him. I just pray that if there's someone out there reading this that is going through something like this or whatever it may be, just put it in God's hands. He always takes care of his children if you just do what the Bible says. Plain and simple. I hope that if God isn't your main priority and your spouse second that you make a change. It's hard to do when you have children and live in the world we live in but it's the right way. I hope that everyone reading this will forgive me as well. Sometimes we go through things, first for God to get the glory and honor he deserves. Secondly to make us stronger in Him and in ourselves. Thirdly, to help others.
Malchi 2:16 "I hate divorce , says the Lord God of Israel". Pretty plain and simple.
1 comment:
Wow. What strength to share this. I prayed so hard for you guys. I knew God would make himself known in your situation. I'm so happy you guys found His will for your marriage. You have such an awesome story to tell! I'm do blessed to call you my friend.
Post a Comment